Welcome to our monthly joint venture we like to call, Yo! Momma. We open up the mailbag to answer the questions from our most faithful readers and bring definitive resolution in the age-old battle of the sexes.
We do so in the only way we know how: with zero filter and 100-percent brutal honesty.
Last time, we took on the topic of co-sleeping and how to break the habit of having a constant visitor in your bed.
In the latest edition collaboration of the best parenting bloggers on the Internet, we’re discussing that awkward feeling when you just ain’t feelin’ those annoying kids next door but have to power through these traumatizing playdates.
You ask. We attempt to answer … and then Rachel from Whine & Cheez(Its) drops some knowledge on your ass to provide the feminine point of view that we all truly need in our lives.
Welcome to another edition of … Yo! Momma.
Love my neighbors. Hate their kids. Yet they always insist on having these awful playdates with their terrible little hellions. I’m all for some adult beverages and some bonding with another couple, but how do I eliminate the kids from the picture before they turn my daughter into a brat?
Pete: Kids are like dogs and puppies. They’re all really cute to look at until you’re dealing with someone else’s piss, poop and general inability to pay attention.
Here’s my point: you may hate those shit stains next door, but the feeling may be mutual about your little ball of wonderment, so slow your roll.
The best advice here is to try to monopolize the potential playdates to corner the market on the few things you’d be able to tolerate: maybe a trip to the park or nearby playground isn’t as nauseating as a sleepover to watch Frozen six times. So either speak up and take control or else you’re just gonna have to let it go (see what I did there?).
Also, don’t be afraid to toss in those little white lies like “Ah man, my kid is battling a bout of ebola, so we have to cancel” from time to time – just don’t be seen eating snow cones on social media with your virally infected kid. Always cover your lies well.
Meanwhile, just understand that if you really do enjoy the company of your neighbors, you might just have to suck it up and deal with those asshole kids sometimes, so drink up and hope the buzz will help you see it through the playdates.
Rachel: Ugh that is the WORST. And it’s a tough one when you like the parents because you don’t want to have weirdness with you neighbors (or any friends who have kids that just suck).
I actually echo everything Pete says. Also, if you are the tiniest bit unsure of how the playdate might go down, take it to neutral territory. It’s much easier to end playdates at a park or playspace with a gracefully timed exit, than to give people the boot from your home without looking like a bitch. Maybe give it a couple more tries before you throw in the towel. If it’s really unbearable, then next time they want to get together for a family playdate, try suggesting that it would be nice to leave the kids with a sitter and actually have a grown-up night out!
And again, like Pete says, if you do bail or make up an excuse, don’t be a moron and post on social media showing your kid dripping in ice cream. Also, please note if the kid sucks and shows poor behavior and their parent does NOTHING to address it … abort mission. That’s a huge red flag and those same parents are usually the assholes who send their kids to school (or bring them over) sick because “99 degrees is not REALLY a fever.”
Now it’s YOUR turn. Do you have some more questions for our crackpot team of experts? Drop us a line in the comments section, or hit us up on email at DaddyMindTricks [at] gmail.com and maybe we’ll feature your question in the next edition of Yo! Momma.