When women drop that go-to phrase declaring, “I don’t want to talk about it,” be careful my fellow mortals of the male variety. This is one of the most loaded scenarios you’ll ever encounter.

You’re about to step into a potential maelstrom of epic proportions.

There are several trapdoor scenarios in which ambiguous communication methods from our female counterparts force us simple-minded men into making quick decisions that carry heavy consequences. These usually involve questions of weight, sex or perhaps even ghosts of a lover’s past.

Side note: If you don’t already know, the answer is always, “No, you are not fat,” and it must be delivered with impeccable timing as to not provide one shred of doubt.

Once again, we’ve opened up the mailbag to answer the questions from our most faithful readers for our monthly feature that brings definitive resolution in the age-old battle of the sexes. We do so in the only way we know how: with zero filter and 100-percent brutal honesty.

Last month, we took on the idea of getting back in the sack after baby mama gives birth, and how to (gently, kindly and cautiously) convince your significant other to drop a few excess pounds. This month, it’s about this little game of duality that pops up in our exchanges with members of the opposite sex.

In the latest edition collaboration of the best parenting bloggers on the Internet, we’re tackling the idea of communication – or lack thereof – and how to avoid the sneak attack that could have you pinned down harder than Rebel Forces on Endor.

You ask. We attempt to answer … and then Rachel from Whine & Cheez(Its) drops some knowledge on your ass to provide the feminine point of view that we all truly need in our lives.

Welcome to another edition of … Yo! Momma.

When women say “I don’t want to talk about it,” they really want to talk about it, huh? What do I do with that?
– Greg, New York

Pete: “I don’t want to talk about it,” is a shitstorm that you must carefully navigate, my friend. You must approach this with a steady hand and cool demeanor, or the whole place goes up in smoke faster than a backstage room at a Method Man concert. Poke the bear a little too much, and she’ll likely explode on your dumbass on a nuclear level that makes Chernobyl look like a bad day at the beach. Don’t inquire enough and she assumes that you don’t care about whatever it is that’s truly troubling her and you earn the cold shoulder treatment for the foreseeable future. Best way out of this … calmly and coolly ask for clarification if she’s really not into talking about it. And then, if and when she actually does want to talk about (newsflash: she will eventually want to talk about it) … actually fucking listen and don’t be so hard-headed; you may learn something along the way.

Rachel: I know … we can be major pains in the asses. I’ll own it. There are two kinds of “I don’t want to talk about it.” The one where we REALLY don’t want to talk about it. And the one that means we do, but are so pissed off we are torturing you a little. I know it can be confusing because they are really similar. And it’s scary for you because if you make a mistake and treat it like the wrong instance … it could be baaaaad. It’s like cutting the wrong wire to diffuse a bomb. Here’s what I would say. If I pulled the whole “I don’t want to talk about it” with my husband (which is rare because I like to talk about everything until I’m over it), best case scenario would be for him to gently call me out a little and say something like, “Okay, do you REALLY want to drop it and have me just leave you alone or do you want to get into it … because I will do whatever makes you happiest.”

shadow-ornament

Now it’s YOUR turn. Do you have some more questions for our crackpot team of experts? Drop us a line in the comments section, or hit us up on email at DaddyMindTricks [at] gmail.com and maybe we’ll feature your question in the next edition of Yo! Momma.