It’s time we took back the idea of fatherhood and redefined it. This website is dedicated to ending the stereotype that men and daddies in particular are just too lazy, stubborn and stupid to figure out this parenting thing.
For years, we’ve let the marketers and the TV morning shows portray the dads as the moron that lets the house burn down when mommy heads out to the store.
And to be honest, there’s an unfortunate amount of men out there that help carry on this stereotype and give the rest of us a bad name.
This website is not for you. In fact, if you are not doing your part around the house and don’t have the dedication to correcting that error, fuck off. Go spend your time on some other websites that will probably need to be removed from your internet cache when you’re done.
For those that are ready to stop being the butt of the joke, let’s get to work. Let’s get to work on changing that narrative.
And boy, do we have a lot of work to do.
This website is for the real man. The new age man. The renaissance man. It’s for the father that is not afraid to roll up the sleeves and change the diapers. For the dads that know how to braid their daughter’s hair (no knots, either). For the guys that are taking care of business at home with the same commitment that they showcase in the office.
But, we need to go further than that. We need to redefine ourselves as role models, teachers, and kick-ass partners to our spouses.
Consider this the new dad manifesto. Print this out and put it up on your bathroom mirror as a reminder to how you’ve made a commitment to be better at life, liberty and the pursuit of perfect daddyness.
The 10 NEW Rules to Modern and Successful (and generally awesome) Fatherhood:
1) Know your way around the kitchen –
We’re not looking for a Bobby Flay commitment to culinary excellence. But, come on. Don’t expect your partner to be the only one that does the heavy lifting in the kitchen. Know how to do more than just boil water and toast bread. Take a day or two and find some recipes that you like and you can replicate. Get really fucking good at making one or two go-to dishes, preferably a main course and a side (at least). Get in the kitchen at least once or twice a week and take over the duties of prepping the sustenance for the family. It can be a juicy-ass steak. It can be spicy jambalaya. Shit, it can be some baked freaking chicken. Whatever it is, make sure you have a good dish handy that you can cook up.
2) Pick up heavy things – Do you even lift, bro?
Drop to the floor and knock out 10 pushups. If you’re panting heavier than a dog in heat, it’s time to spend some time in the gym. This doesn’t have to be Hugh Jackman as Wolverine kind of fitness here, folks. But how the fuck can you protect your family and kids from some bullshit if you can’t protect yourself from a heart attack? Was that too harsh? Well, it was meant to be. Time to realize that real men should have some modicum of health and fitness. Set the example for your kids. Spend at least 90 minutes per week by picking up some heavy stuff and putting it down or running like you’re being chased. You can even spend some time playing a favorite sport. Or, here’s a novel idea: turn off the PS4, get outside and do something active with your kids. Throw some stuff around. Hell, throw the kids around … just make sure they land softly.
3) Dress the part –
Being a good looking dude doesn’t have to be reserved for our single friends; it doesn’t have to be exclusive to the men without kids, either. Take some ownership in your wardrobe and some pride in how you’re dressed on a daily basis. Check the closet, it doesn’t have to look like a red carpet show before the Oscars, you don’t even have to have a bunch of French and Italian names on your shirts and slacks, but you should have some pieces of fashion that showcase your best qualities (especially for the dads following Rule No. 2). Put simply: Every man should own a nice sport coat or a suit and a tie … and every man should know how to tie that tie. No clip-on zone here.
4) Master the bedroom –
If you’ve been man enough to do the deed to earn readership for this blog on fatherhood, you should probably be man enough to figure out how make sure your significant other is having fun while all of this baby-making is going on. Do some research … find new and inventive ways to make sure your significant other is satisfied in the sack. No two-pump-chump bullshit here. If you can’t make waves in the sack, it’s time to do more, um … research. Consider it all in the name of good lifehacking and bioscience. Or just call it what it is: sex practice so you can knock this out of the park and have mind-blowing fuck sessions.
5) Be well-read –
Read a book. Like, seriously. If the last time you’ve turned the pages of a chapter was for a summer reading assignment, you’re doing it wrong. Grab some literature. Pick up some nonfiction. Lose yourself in a novel. I don’t care. But, real men need to be reading and quite frankly, you need to know some current events, too. Bettering yourself throughout this fucked up journey we call life involves lots of networking and communicating and conversing. If the only thing that carries you through a discussion is the latest box score from your favorite hoops team … once again … you’re doing it wrong. Know enough about what’s going on in life and the world. Be informed. On the flip side, if you know nothing about sports … dude, come on. At least read up some basic factoids to know that a touchdown is scored in football and a homerun is delivered in baseball. Unless sometimes we are talking about a quarterback throwing a deep ball for a potential touchdown … then sometimes we refer to that as a homerun ball. If I’m confusing you here, it’s time to watch a little SportsCenter.
6) Be a great partner –
How can you expect to be a great father if you can’t be a great partner, as well? Chip in around the house. This includes knowing how to do some laundry and ironing some clothes … oh, also: read the point above about learning how to cook, too. Yeah, some of us are unfortunately no longer with the baby-momma. But at least try to keep things as civil as possible. You get the point. If not, let me spell it out for ya: Don’t be a dumbass.
7) Be involved –
Spend some time with your kids. Now take it to another level, and spend some time with your kids without mommy around. If you need an itemized list of 20 steps to keep the kids from burning down the house while mommy takes a nap, it’s time to admit you have a problem. And that’s okay. Put your big boy pants on, suck it up and ask your baby-momma for some training on how to get this shit done the right way. Kids need dads. And kids need dads who are involved. It’s been proven time and time again that the more a father is a part of a child’s life, the better success that child will have in this crazy world.
8) Find some compassion –
We live in this society that is all about “me first” and “me right now.” It’s too damn easy to get sucked into this trap and live a self-absorbed life … or at least a life that is only dedicated to your immediate family. This rule is more of a challenge to the fathers out there: find a passion, find a cause and commit to it. It can be donating to a charity. It can be tithing at your church. If can be spending some free time providing pro bono work or volunteering. Think about the positive impression you’ll be instilling about the little rugrats you call your own. It’s also an amazing way to get them involved in this kind of process early on in the game.
9) Show some respect –
This site isn’t meant to be an end-all, be-all source of knowledge. We aren’t experts, we don’t even pretend to be the know-it-alls of daddyhood. All dads bring some amazing tips, tricks and tidbits to the table. So respect that. Understand that all fathers are molded by their own experiences and learnings and backgrounds and that helps develop their own parenting style. This is a no social-shaming zone. Realize that we can all agree to disagree on some daddy stuff and that as long as our littlest ones are benefiting in the long run … the small stuff doesn’t matter all that much, does it?
10) Communicate like a boss –
Our kids are always learning. Learning to walk. Learning to talk. Learning to drive us absolutely bonkers from time to time. And we should always be willing to teach. So spend some time learning how to do just that: teach. Be a good communicator. It’s not just about sitting in a circle and talking about feelings all the damn time, but you should be able to express your thoughts and emotions when the time comes.
Alright, we’ve defined the new rules of dadhood. Now, let’s put it all together and make sense of this madness.
So, you know that subway scene in The Matrix where Neo is fighting Agent Smith while Trinity and Morpheus watch back on the Nebuchadnezzar and instead of running away, Neo turns back at Smith is like, let’s do this and Morpheus is all like “he’s beginning to believe” so the two fight on a little longer?
Yeah, that’s where we are now. If you’ve read this and practiced these 10 principles, you are beginning to believe that there is a new way to this whole fatherhood thing. We are here to set the record straight once and for all that we just as capable of conquering power-hungry enemy computer programs and we can leap tall buildings in a single bound.
Or at least we can change some diapers without strict supervision.
Think of yourself as now welcomed into the new exclusive club of fatherhood – dads that are dedicated to getting shit done and getting shit done right.