As men, we have a front row seat to what pregnancy does to our women and their beautiful bodies. We all hear about the “glow” that others see but that’s lost on those of us who witness our women with aches and pains in nearly every part of their body, with discomforts from swelling and weight gain, and hormone levels that are so out of whack that it can make the clearest of skin break out in acne. grooming guide for guys
But let’s admit it, once that baby is out we all think about how long it’s going to take them to get back to their more “beautiful” self (and if you can’t admit it then you’re a liar). However, have we stopped and looked at what age is doing to us, as men, and thought about how our partners feel about it? Probably not. There’s this natural tendency to think that whatever happens to our manly body is natural and that if we did something about it, we’re somehow effeminate. But it’s not effeminate, it’s hypocrisy.
We perhaps wrongly expect our ladies to keep themselves beautiful forever, whereas we give ourselves a pass for getting older and developing not only that “dadbod” but letting it look like we’ve given up on ourselves altogether. Well that needs to come to an end, and now. If you haven’t already, it’s time to take control over the things that we actually have control over in our physical appearance so that we can better please our partners (and perhaps you may find that they’ll start to want to please you back, in several which ways, but don’t let that be your endgame).
Grooming Guide for Guys
Here are some ideas to start on, and as you do these you’ll love the results and start finding other places that could use some attention…I guarantee it (said in the Men’s Wearhouse guy’s voice).
Manscaping is one thing that I’ve personally been doing since high school and because I’ve been doing it for so long, I look at it as a given and have brought it up in conversation without even a hesitation. Surprisingly that has led me to find men my own age who have never once taken a trimmer and razor to their body in the form of cutting back nature’s body foliage.
Men, if that’s you, I must tell you something you don’t want to hear…your lady friend is quietly hoping someone will bring this up so that you start doing it. Don’t ask her if that’s true, as this is not productive and cannot end well, instead do it and see how she reacts.
If you don’t have a trimmer, buy one. If you have one, start using in other places other than your beard. It does require having to more thoroughly clean your trimmer but believe me, it’s worth it. If not for your significant other, do it for yourself. You can easily claim an extra inch or more of shaft appearance length by trimming it down nice and short. Also, don’t be afraid to use a razor on your boys and to remove the hair completely down there, it makes for a smoother surface that might invite them into more bedroom play.
This doesn’t just go for your twigs and berries either. Trim and manicure your facial, back, chest and armpit hair as well. I will say that I’m not one for completely shaving hair off but at least scale it down and make it look like you give a shit about yourself.
Pluck and Tweeze
This one’s not hard to spot and if you call yourself a “real man”, as an excuse to not do it, then it shouldn’t be painful either, should it? Actually, if you do it enough it won’t be so painful and you’ll get used to it to the point that you won’t think twice about doing it. But here’s the thing, you’re supposed to have two eyebrows, not one, so if they’re trying to greet and meet one another then stop that shit stat.
Also, your nose is only supposed to have hair under it if you have a mustache so if you’ve got creepers peering through, don’t keep trimming them, suck it up and yank those fuckers out.
Last, but not least, if you have hair coming out your ears, which I can safely say I have not experienced yet, you better get to yanking that out too, because your woman doesn’t want to see that when she’s kissing all over you and nibbling on your ear (which you better be keeping yourself attractive enough for her to want to do).
Prevent Hair Loss
Now that we have gotten rid of all our unwanted body hair, let’s work on preserving the hair we do still want and that we do still have. The older we get the higher the odds are that we will begin to lose our hair. Unfortunately, if you experience genetic male pattern baldness, there’s not a whole lot you can do to reverse what’s happening. Yes, there are things like Rogaine out there but in order for you to keep the hair Rogaine provides, you have to keep using it.
However, if you are like me, and experiencing hair thinning or seeing more of your scalp than you’d prefer, then there’s a chance at fighting off what feels like the inevitable. I just started using the Nioxin 3-Step Starter Kit which is advertised to basically clean out the pores in your scalp, that have built up up gunk over the years, that clogged the openings of where your hair would have come out from. After only a few weeks it appears that I am seeing less of my scalp and having some of the thinner spots fill in. I will write a followup on this product when I have more time and evidence, one way or another, under my belt. However, there are a lot of great reviews and even if it doesn’t work completely for me that doesn’t mean it can’t possibly work for you.
That said, even if you aren’t seeing thinning, it doesn’t hurt to try out things like the Nioxin Starter Kit because it could possibly help as preventative maintenance. Do your research now so that you don’t eventually have to do research after permanent damage is done.
Treat Body Acne
I was one of the lucky ones who barely ever had any acne. Sure I’d get the occasional teenage pimple but most the time it was just a sign that I was about to get a cold.
I remember as a kid, a friend and I peeked in a neighbor’s window, when she happened to be changing, and caught a glimpse of her ass full of pimples. Now stop imagining some hot chick because she was an old woman in her 60’s who we made fun of and laughed about for hours and eventually years.
Fast forward to my thirties and I’m getting more and more acne under my armpits and, as much as I’d hate to admit it, karma has delivered the occasional ones to my ass. So instead of saying, “that’s life” and making my wife have to stare at them, I picked up some Panoxyl 4 Acne Creamy Wash that I can use in the shower. The key here is to use something with benzoyl peroxide as this will dry out the pores and prevent acne.
I can say that after using the product fully it cleared up my acne on my ass and has kept it away for the most part (I get the occasional one from probably sweating as much as I do on the exercise bike).
We’re men, not beasts. We’re not meant to have claws anymore to survive so make sure you’re cutting your nails and keeping them at an acceptable length. Acceptable here is defined as short, not cause-yourself-pain-and-infection short, but more like you-won’t-slice-and-scar-a-loved-one short. This goes for both hands and feet because one of the worst mood killers in bed is cutting your loved one with your toenails.
Speaking of feet…guys, the older we get, the dryer our feet get, so don’t be surprised when they crack and callus (and definitely don’t feel stupid). We, as men, are not frequenting pedicures like our lady counterparts do and because of that we don’t have regular filing & moisturizing to help keep our feet baby smooth and naturally colored. Instead, some of us are letting our feet get so dry and cracked that they’re like Velcro in the sheets and wearing down our socks to virtually nothing all the while looking like dusty, crumbly versions of what once was.
Take your feet back! Buy a foot file, or what I like to call, a PediFile. Don’t hesitate to get down and dirty with it either. All you have to do is get that PediFile to do what it does naturally and rub those extremities until they look like they belong to a teenager. Sure, it’s gross to see skin flying everywhere at first but after a while it starts to feel strangely satisfying. Now don’t go getting out of control. Start slow and hold off from going too far with until maybe the second or third day. Once everything’s done, rinse off and be sure to rub moisturizer all over because if you don’t, that file is going to have irritated the skin to its raw state so you’ll want to cool and sooth everything right away. Don’t forget to apply moisturizer regularly for several weeks to make sure everything stays youthful and smooth.