HAPPY THANKSGIVING! Ok, we got that out of the way now let’s get down to the important stuff…Black Friday. If you’re going to do this then you need to do this right. Here are the top 5 Black Friday tips that’ll lead you to success in what I like to call “Christmas For One”.

Choose Wisely

It’s not just about which store you’re shopping at but also the location of that store. What’s the most upper class, rich people, location around you? That’s where you want to go. The people who live in that area have names for people like us, who go out in the cold just to score a television and Xbox, and that word is “criminals”. Their fear, and skewed value of a dollar, is your gain in terms of place in line.

Don’t Buy, Borrow

The first thing you’re going to think about, if you live in any state north of Florida, is protection from the elements. But if you’re going to make the $50 you saved on that iPad worth it then buying a $300 tent and hundreds of dollars in North Face jacket and pants doesn’t make much sense. So if you don’t have these things then borrow them from a friend who is home, all warm and toasty, drinking Eggnog, while watching football, because they don’t need it. And think about shopping on Black Friday at a sporting good shop for future sake.

Shifts

If you’re one of the lucky few then you’re about to score big. This year Thanksgiving is at your place, in either your RV or camper, that’s parked in the parking lot of your store of choice. Now you no longer have to camp out alone and instead can take shifts with the family. Just make sure grandma gets first shift as she may not survive the cold the later it gets in the day.

Get Your Mind Right

The best way to prepare for battle is to be mentally prepared. You just had Thanksgiving and your love and thanks for those in your life are only making you weak. How do you expect to score that $4 16gb thumb drive if you’re soft in the heart and content in your mind? So start with watching movies like The Hunger Games, Running Man, and Braveheart. If you’re not ready to trample on anyone who is too weak to stay standing then you’ll be next.

Buddy System is Crucial

This one is crucial for two reasons. First, to have at least one other person with you will greatly increase your odds of safety. Most people are hesitant to hurt someone if they think that a witness will actually testify.

Second, once inside the store you have 2.4 minutes to get everything you wanted before the extremely limited stock will disappear and anything that was worth abandoning your loved ones on the one holiday that is about being together, and making people work at their retail place of employment so you can save a few dollars, all for naught. So you take the television department, Jesse’s on video games and consoles, let your buddy Erik take the computer and tablet section, and have your least responsible friend, Brandon, take the camera and phone section. There will be a one person limit on each thing you purchase, so the key is everyone in your party gets four of each thing in their respective departments, then meet up somewhere in the store to trade your items and viola…you just won Black Friday.